Planet Solaris

思い出はおっくせんまん

2011-11-03T12:57:00.000+11:00

子供の頃　やった事あるよ
色褪せた記憶だ　紅白帽　頭に
ウルトラマン　ウルトラマン　セブン

子供の頃　懐かしい記憶
カレーとかの時に　銀のスプーン目にあて
ウルトラマン　ウルトラマン　セブン

でも今じゃそんな事も忘れて
何かに追われるように　毎日生きてる

振り返っても（忘れていたアルバムの中に）
あの頃には（馬鹿やってる自分）戻れない（友達と笑って）
ウルトラマン　ウルトラマン　セブン

今あいつら　どこに居るの？　何をしているの？
答えはぼやけたままで
ウルトラマン　ウルトラマン　セブン

でも今じゃそんな事も忘れて
何かに追われるように　毎日生きてる

君がくれた勇気は　億千万　億千万
過ぎ去りし季節は　ドラマティック

子供の頃　やった事あるね
雑誌に付いてきた　３Ｄメガネかけ
ウルトラマン　ウルトラマン　セブン

大人になり　忘れてた記憶
蘇る　鮮やかに　腕でＬ字作り
ウルトラマン　ウルトラマン　セブン

でも今じゃそんな事も忘れて
何かから逃げるように　毎日生きてる

振り返っても（古ぼけた日記帳　開き）
あの頃には（色褪せた　ページには）戻れない（初恋の娘の名前）
ウルトラマン　ウルトラマン　セブン

ただあの頃　振り返る　無邪気に笑えた
汚れも知らないままに
ウルトラマン　ウルトラマン　セブン

でも今じゃそんな事も忘れて
何かから逃げるように　毎日生きてる

見過ごしてた景色は　億千万　億千万
過ぎ去りし季節は　グラフィティ

君がくれた勇気は　億千万　億千万
過ぎ去りし季節は　ドラマティック

だって最初から、言いたくないって言ったんだろう！

2011-10-29T22:12:00.002+11:00

言っても言わなくても、できないことはできないんだよ。
どうしよもないから。
だったら言いたくないもん、面倒いから。

ちー！
面倒くさいことがだいっきらい。さっさと寝ようか。

The right thing to do

2011-10-05T00:14:00.002+11:00

自分のことを考えない。

それども、
自分のことしか考えない！？

そもそも、
このふたつは同じかも。。

脳内のことを捨て、現実を見つめる。

たかが人生、されど人生／現実かもしれない（←意味不明）

2011-07-27T15:36:00.009+10:00

とつぜん、とまらないあめもとまった。

気がついたら一週間…きゅうけいちゅうは（BL）マンガばかりよんてた

現実に戻り、不良反応なし♪♪（←いまもいそがしいけどぼんやりしてばっかり）

大学へ行こう！勉強しろう！

じぶんはじぶんをしてる。いま「だいじょうぶ」って、あした「やめたい」かも。

そしていまのままにもどれる。

なんかじんせいは出口がないみたい。

（それでもいいよ、あなたがいたら。

こっちはげんじつ、せめてこれをしってる。）

今を生きている

君はそれを知っているのだろう

ただ声をあげて泣いた

言葉忘れて

この胸に抱いた気持ちは何

気づかせてくれたのはあなただと知ることもなく

ただ立ち尽くして

もっといいひとになりたい

じぶんのためじゃなくても

もっとつよくなりたい。

生存戦略！！( ´ﾟдﾟ)(ﾟдﾟ｀ )

しましょうか？（笑）

やっぱり田島君がだいすき～

2011-07-09T18:57:00.007+10:00

って

やっぱいり真理は二次元にある。

おお振りをみた「田島君はオレの嫁」とおもってる。（笑）

腐向けもだいすき、あきらめねぇーーー

じんせいのくろいこともじぶんのどうしてもできないことも、いま（しばらく）かんがえたくねぇ。

でも現実にもどればもどるほど、どんどんおちこんちゃって　｡･ﾟ･(ﾉ∀`)･ﾟ･｡

ともだちはすくないっていかぜんぜんともだちがいないよな。

カレシがいま旅行中からだれかをよんでもいいかな…だれもよびたくないだろうが、だれもよべない…そしてだれにもよばれない…

また出会えそうで　一度きりのドラマ

是啊，虽然离开高中很久了，但是还是会被大振那种高中生活感动啊，好像一瞬间又回到了那个时候，事情还可以重新来过。也不是说对现在的生活有很多不满啊，其实倒不如说现在也生活得不错吧。总是在拼命努力过后又疑惑“这是不是我真的想做的事情”，也容易因为打击而一蹶不振，总是不敢把事情坚持做完，虽然也是因为懒惰，不过另一方面是害怕继续坚持下去会不断失败受挫，内心软弱地不可救药，真是比mihashi还要差十几个层次吧。什么坚持打死都不要走下投手丘这种行为，我可是打死都做不到的啊。

我不喜欢什么长大成人的，说到底也并不是因为觉得自己老或者什么，只是纯粹地很讨厌大人。很讨厌大人，很讨厌大人。像我这种软弱的心，社会的蛀米虫，根本也就是可有可无的连装饰品都算不上的东西。到底要怎么做才能变得更强大呢。

从一到无穷大。

2011-04-30T21:32:00.003+10:00

1）从一到无穷大。

你遥望着两亿光年以外的行星，他们看见你了。你想，他们看到的是两亿年前的你。但是当你在想自己两亿年前到底在做什么的时候，你发现你根本不喜欢卡尔维诺。

2）噩兆。

世界灭亡可不是一瞬间就发生的事情。正如其它事件一样，世界在灭亡之前也会有一系列征兆。诸如流传甚广的蜜蜂消失什么的，各种理论已经不新鲜了。然而这些理论的准确度有多高，也是很值得怀疑的。

现在，这个悲惨结局的准确噩兆已经被确认——当你看到一个piano quartet里有四架piano的时候，世界就快要灭亡了。

life diary/science nonfiction (2)

2011-03-23T19:54:00.004+11:00

Later on in life, I started to realise that something was going wrong. The problem is that I have so much time, too much, in fact, it is already enough to make everything go wrong. And it did.

The past had been the future, and the future will become the past at some point. So the only reality is the present. But the present becomes the past very soon, too. The boundary between the past and the present is so unclear, and so is the one between imagination and reality. I stuck to myself too badly.

I remember around 1910 when I had to move out of Vienna and my friend Julian offered me helps, which I rejected. If I didn't then I might end up being so much better in the later years. But the worst part was after that, I lost contact with Julian. It wasn't only because of me moving away or the war or anything, it just happened. Now I still recall the days when Julian said I was the best violist, even if after all these year I have been away from it. I thought I was going to be good friends with so many people, all the old friends in Vienna. But it did not happen. And I am the only one still alive now.

But the past is the future. Things that happened is going to happen again (even if you believe in thermodynamics, but at that time the 'arrow of time' does not exist). I hate thinking of the fact that I am the only one that survive during the time, but it's too true that I cannot deny. I survived time, and I am still surviving. I don't even care if Antonio hated me (and it won't surprise me if he did) - he was a great composer and I wasn't, and I am still not, and I won't be one either. When I was in the choir last year (which was the year 2010) we did his Gloria. It was very funny for me to think of the old days, and singing an old friend's song (and of course I have no idea if we were friends). Yet I still prefer playing his violin work, although, as I said, I haven't touched it for so long now.

Sad stories, good stories, hatred, love, among which I am the only surviving one. This is in fact very excitingly tedious.

life diary/science nonfiction (1)

2011-03-18T14:27:00.005+11:00

I remember the day I met Liy in the common room downstairs at the college. I don't remember the year, but it was on 7th, July, somewhere around 198X, since it was the greatest composer Mahler's birthday (and indeed we talked about Mahler). Liy was in her 60s then (one of the oldest student living on campus, I would say), doing post-grad. She was Asian, but was born in Northern American, something like that. She spoke really good English with a very strong American accent (which, by the way, I didn't really like). I cannot remember how we started the conversation though, it must be her talking to me first as I would never talk to strangers especially a scholar type old lady (nothing could nerve me to do that).

"Don't drain yourself," she said, "because you will get old one day."

And indeed I knew this very well, but I replied, "of course." It must be in a very toneless tone. I knew the feeling of being old, mentally, probably better than she did. I still do now, and I still feel the same way.

I've lost contact with her for very many years now, and I cannot even be sure if she is still alive. She probably is, though.

That day in the common room after a while when we finally got into the music topic in a very strange manner, I said I would tell her something about Mahler (and the others, especially those I've met, but of course I didn't tell her I'd met those people). Some of them are long stories, some are not. Some are just a sentence like "I saw them in distance" (in fact most of them are like this-but gain, this is a fact that I would not tell her or anyone else).

I walked in the streets on some cold winter evenings in Vienna in early 1900s, at which time students didn't need to do quantum mechanics. When I think of those days now, there is a very strange kind of feeling like a mixture of sadness and fear.

But I never did tell her anything. After that when we saw each other we never stopped and talked. Sometimes I feel that life is only a dot, like something condensed, like everything happening at the same time, like time(or the so called timeline) does not exist. The future will be the same too, because I stay forever. Like a forever kind of forever.

I hope I can see Liy one more time so that I can tell her the stories. I don't know why I sometimes get this feeling as we were never good friends. Maybe she is like a flag of my life at a point which makes me realise that time is actually moving forward. But how would I know? She did thermodynamics and I don't.

最美好的故事。

2011-03-07T22:00:00.002+11:00

i dont worry about the future anymore. i dont worry about the present either. because i know everything will be fine, and you will be there too.

life story of the great warrior

2010-11-09T14:16:00.004+11:00

but there was only the end of the story.

the great warrior said the only thing he wanted was death.

so he fought and was fought so hard that he died forty-nine times.

now he will never come to life ever again.

2010-08-29T18:41:00.000+10:00

der Lenz ist da, sei kommen über Nacht!

Quotes & Memos(5) from Gustav Mahler: Memories and Letters (by Alma)

2010-08-23T18:09:00.004+10:00

1910 Christmas

... One day while he was working Gucki stood beside him, watching with engrossment. He was scratching out one note after another. "Papi," she said, "I wouldn't like to be a note." "Why not?" he asked. "Because then you might scratch me out and blow me away." He was so delighted that he came at once to tell me what she said. ...

... I looked after him now just as if he were a little child. I put every bit into his mouth for him and slept in his room without taking off my clothes. We got so used to it that he said more than once: "When I'm well again we'll go on like this. You'll feed me--it's so nice." ...

1911

... When I arrived on board Mahler was already in bed and Frankel was at his side. He gave me his last instructions and warned me not to call in the ship's doctor. Then he bade Mahler a brief and sad farewell. He knew that he would never see him again. ...

... My mother and he wept bitterly. It was the only time during the whole of his illness that he was so utterly disconsolate. When Moll came in, he said again that he wished to be buried in the same grave as our daughter and asked him never to desert me. ...

... During his last days and while his mind was still unclouded his thought often went anxiously to Schoenberg. "If I go, he will have nobody left." I promised him to do everything in my power. Moll too promised to stand by Shoenberg. ...

... Once when Mahler was feeling better I sat on his bed and we discussed what we should do when he had recovered. "We'll go to Egypt and see nothing but blue sky," he said.

"Once you are well again," I said, "I shall have had enough of suffering. Do you remember when you first got to know me you thought I was too happy. I've suffered enough now. I don't need any more chastening. We'll live a careless, happy life."

He smiled tenderly and stroked my hair. "Yes, you're right. God grant I get better and then we can still be happy." ...

... During his last days he cried out: "My Almschi," hundreds of times, in a voice, a tone I had never heard before and have never heard since. "My Almschi!" As I write it down now, I cannot keep back my tears. ...

... Mahler lay with dazed eyes; one finger was conducting on the quilt. There was a smile on his lips and twice he said: "Mozart!" His eyes were very big. ...

... That ghastly sound ceased suddenly at midnight of the 18th of May during a tremendous thunder storm. With that last breath his beloved and beautiful soul had fled, and the silence was more deathly than all else. As long as he breathed he was there still. But now all was over.

... I could not understand it. Was I alone? Had I to live without him? It was as if I had been flung out of a train in a foreign land. I had no place on earth.

I went up to the Hohe Warte, in Heiligenstadt. The bells tolled without ceasing. I had Mahler's photograph beside me and I lay in bed and talked to him. He was still there--not yet in the earth. ...

... I can never forget his dying hours and the greatness of his face as death drew nearer. His battle for the eternal values, his elevation above trivial things and his unflinching devotion to truth are an example of the saintly life.

(THE END)

picture from: http://www.library.upenn.edu/collections/rbm/photos/mahler/63-3-18.html

Quotes & Memos(4) from Gustav Mahler: Memories and Letters (by Alma)

2010-08-18T20:56:00.000+10:00

... I lived his life. I had none of my own. He never noticed this surrender of my existence. He was so self-engrossed that any disturbance, however slight, was unendurable. Work, exaltation, self-denial and the never-ending quest where his whole life on and on and for ever.

I cancelled my will and being; like a tight-rope walker, I was concerned only with keeping my balance. He noticed nothing of all it cost me. He was utterly self-centred by nature, and yet he never thought of himself. His work was all in all. ...

... Someone observed to me once: "Alma, you have an abstraction for a husband, not a human being." It was quite true. But I treasured every single day of my life in those days. ...

... This summer (1908) was the saddest we had eer spent or were to spend together. Every excursion, every attempt at distraction was a failure. Grief and anxiety pursued us wherever we went. Work was his one resource. He slaved at the 'Lied von der Erde' and the first draft of the Ninth.

（吐槽：这翻译乱七八糟的 = =+）

... On one occasion Artur Bodanzky went up to his room with him, and I spent an hour or so with the rest. He came back with tears in his eyes and said to me in an undertone: "I shall never love any woman as I love Mahler." ...

... Next, I suddenly saw Debussy, Dukas and Pierne get up and go out in the middle of the second movement of Mahler's symphony. This left nothing to be said, but they did say afterwards that it was too Schubertian for them, and even Schubert they found too foreign, too Viennese--too Slav. ...

... I could never have imagined life without him, even though the feeling that my life was running to waste had often filled me with despair. Least of all could I have imagined life with another man. I had often thought of going away somewhere alone to start life afresh, but never with any thought of another person. Mahler was the hub of my existence and so he continued to be. ...

（下面这一段是关键！弗洛伊德出场……）

... In conclusion, he said: "I know your wife. She loved her father and she can only choose and love a man of his sort. Your age, of which you are so much afraid, is precisely what attracts her. You need not be anxious. You loved your mother, and you look for her in every woman. She was careworn and ailing, and unconsciously you wish your wife to be the same." ...

... One night I was awakened by an apparition by my bed. It was Mahler standing there in the darkness. "Would it give you any pleasure if I dedicated the Eighth to you?" Any pleasure! All the same I said: "Don't. You have never dedicated anything to anybody. You might regret it." "I have just written to Hertzka now--by the light of dawn," he said. ...

吐槽文

2010-08-13T15:11:00.005+10:00

"Death exists only for those who believe in it, and therefore it has no existence for me."

in fact theres only one thing i would ever want to talk about these days, and it wouldnt be study. though i have been spending way too much time complaining about the stupid study.

i would totally like to go through the complete score of the ten sym.s (esp no.1.. and das lied von der erde.. and das himmlische leben.. and EVERYTHING ELSE!). thanks to imslp. or sometimes just watching people discussing about music would be fine. getting to know some interesting new tracks. i myself know exactly nothing at all but fortunately there are people knowing everything.

Das himmlische Leben(Des Knaben Wunderhorn)

Wir genießen die himmlischen Freuden,
D'rum tun wir das Irdische meiden.
Kein weltlich' Getümmel
Hört man nicht im Himmel!
Lebt alles in sanftester Ruh'.
Wir führen ein englisches Leben,
Sind dennoch ganz lustig daneben;
Wir tanzen und springen,
Wir hüpfen und singen,
Sanct Peter im Himmel sieht zu.

Johannes das Lämmlein auslasset,
Der Metzger Herodes d'rauf passet.
Wir führen ein geduldig's,
Unschuldig's, geduldig's,
Ein liebliches Lämmlein zu Tod.
Sanct Lucas den Ochsen tät schlachten
Ohn' einig's Bedenken und Achten.
Der Wein kost' kein Heller
Im himmlischen Keller;
Die Englein, die backen das Brot.

Gut' Kräuter von allerhand Arten,
Die wachsen im himmlischen Garten,
Gut' Spargel, Fisolen
Und was wir nur wollen.
Ganze Schüsseln voll sind uns bereit!
Gut' Äpfel, gut' Birn' und gut' Trauben;
Die Gärtner, die alles erlauben.
Willst Rehbock, willst Hasen,
Auf offener Straßen
Sie laufen herbei!

Sollt' ein Fasttag etwa kommen,
Alle Fische gleich mit Freuden angeschwommen!
Dort läuft schon Sanct Peter
Mit Netz und mit Köder
Zum himmlischen Weiher hinein.
Sanct Martha die Köchin muß sein.

Kein' Musik ist ja nicht auf Erden,
Die unsrer verglichen kann werden.
Elftausend Jungfrauen
Zu tanzen sich trauen.
Sanct Ursula selbst dazu lacht.
Kein' Musik ist ja nicht auf Erden,
Die unsrer verglichen kann werden.
Cäcilia mit ihren Verwandten
Sind treffliche Hofmusikanten!
Die englischen Stimmen
Ermuntern die Sinnen,
Daß alles für Freuden erwacht.

Quotes & Memos(3) from Gustav Mahler: Memories and Letters (by Alma)

2010-08-06T10:38:00.000+10:00

... Mahler was extremely susceptible to suggestion. If I had a pain anywhere, he immediately had it too. ...

... We saw more of him at home now than ever before. He could scarcely bear to be parted from the children, and for each he had a special form of entertainment--stories, jokes or funny faces. He loved telling the elder one Brentano's fairy tale--"Gockel, Hinkel and Gackeleia".

... He finished the Sixth Symphony and added three more to the two Kindertotenlieder. I found this incomprehensible. I can understand setting such frightful words to music if one had no children, or had lost those one had. Moreover, Friederick Ruckert did not write these harrowing elegies solely out of his imagination: they were dictated by the cruellest loss of his whole life. ...

... This is the great soaring theme of the first movement of the Sixth Symphony. In the third movement he represented the unrhythmic games of two little children, tottering in the zigzags over the sand. Ominously, the childish voices became more and more tragic, and at the end died out in a whimper. In the last movement he described himself and his downfall or, as he later said, that of his hero: "It is the hero, on whom fall three blow of fate, the last of which fells him as a tree is felled." Those were his words.

Not one of his works came so directly from his inmost heart as this. We both wept that day. The music and what it foretold touched us so deeply. The Six is the most completely personal of his works, and a prophetic one also. In the Kindertotenlieder, as also in the Sixth, he anticipated his own life in music. On him too fell three blows of fate, and the last felled him. ...

... I remarked to him once during a walk: "All I love in a man is his achievement. The greater his achievement the more I have to love him."

"That's a real danger. You mean if any one came along who could do more than I --"

"I'd have to love him," I said.

He smiled: "Well, I won't worry for the time being. I don't know anybody who can do more than I can." ...

... Another understanding between us, which I understood as little, was that what he said one day was not to hold good the next. It was therefore out of the question for me to say: "But, Gustav, you said the very opposite yesterday" (as he very often did), because he reserved for himself the privilege of inconsequence. This characteristic of his was often a great shock to me. I could never be sure of what he thought and felt. ...

Quotes & Memos(2) from Gustav Mahler: Memories and Letters (by Alma)

2010-07-26T19:25:00.002+10:00

...Our lovely beginning had turned to gloom and misery. His friends could not ever be friends of mine. Since his early youth he had had them clamped to his feet like iron, and i could never regard them with anything but dislike. ...

...So there we were--together again, happy and free of case. But in the next room my downfall was decreed. ...

...He had lived the life of and ascetic and was completely at a loss. The strain of apprehension and self-torture was terrible; sometimes he longed for death, sometimes for life at its firecest. ...

...Only the spirit was to count. I know to-day that he was afraid of my youth and beauty. He wanted to make them safe for himself by simply taking from of any atom of life in which he himself played no part. ...

... Mahler and Strauss enjoyed talking to eath other, perhaps because they were never of one mind. ...

...If and adagio seemed to be lost on the audience, he slowed the tempo down instead of quickening it, as was commonly done. ...

Goldmark & Mahler:
- Well, Master, won't you come to the Opera?
-No, I never listen to Wagner. I'm afraid of getting to like him.
-But, you eat beef without becoming an ox.

...He and I were jealous of each other,at first I of him more than he of me. I was jealous of his past, which in my innocence I used to think very objectionable. He was jealous of my future and that I can now understand.

(Translator: Basil Creighton)

Quotes & Memos(1) from Gustav Mahler: Memories and Letters (by Alma)

2010-07-19T22:21:00.001+10:00

...He trusted people blindly, but once his eyes had been opened his distrist knew no bounds. ...

..."Now, what are you going to do about it if he proposes?"
"Accept," I said calmly.

...Suddenly he burst out:"It's not simple to marry a person like me. I am free and must be free. I cannot be bound, or tied to one spot. My job at the opera is simply from one day to the next." ...
A feeling of suffocation came over me. He laid down the law without thinking of consulting my feelings. After a moment's silence I said: "Of course. Don't forget that I am the child of artists and have always lived among artists. And, also, I'm one myself. What you say seems to me obvious." ...

我最大的遗憾之一，就是学会了随波逐流。

2010-06-21T18:05:00.005+10:00

last night randomly met a disappeared-for-a-long-time friend online. he talked about how bad his emotional condition was. remembering the old days, i somehow couldnt understand why he became friend of us at the beginning. that was some years ago, some of us just graduated from middle school, some of us were high shool students. at that time he was already teaching comparative literature at university and was married. wouldnt it be awkward chatting with a group of kids, or rather, werent we too simple and too naive to chat with? but luckily he and some other adults were welling to be friends with us, which, i now really appreciate.

i really thought all of them are really really special people. thinking of those days we were all so cynic, like nothing on earth could stop us from doing whatever we liked. i learnt alot from them not only the literature or music things, but also, the most important thing, no matter how tough life would be, we people could still make our life really great.

i know people change a lot as time goes by, not sure how 'lot' will it be, though. last night when we were chatting again, i just suddenly realised that, it could be really, huge. he was still using a humourous tone, but the content was all like 'life is really tough' and 'only music can cheer me up' thing. and also, 'if i could choose again i would totally want to do a popular degree', 'knowledge of literature gives you nothing; people may think you are really gentry, but it is worse because you are somehow eliminated from their social lives'.

it is just so understandable. isnt it strange that, when we are young we always try to expand our scope, never give others a shit, and somehow enjoy being different; but what maturation gives us, is just the wish of getting involved in the general society. no one wants to be different from the others. those who want to are just still naive.

being pure at heart or persistent never gives you anything. as he said, this is the world. another anonymous sentence, 'this is how the world works, so get on with it or to hell with it'. and so it goes. we talked about gustav mahler, and both agreed that symphony one was so pure. at first i liked mahler because of his toughness, but now i love him because he's so healing. every single piece from mahler, heals me a lot at these days when i am far away from home and isolated from the 'real world'. it is scaring, but i'm really afraid that someday, i will be like that as well, 'only music can cheer me up'.

like everyone of us changes after all these years. i complained about having no memoriable memories, but now i realised that i actually have so much that i really want to go back to the past, when everyone of us was so pure, so not giving a fuck-not like now. at the moment i am being so cheered up with no reason, in a mood almost as good as mahler symph no.1 2nd movement. i know it won't last long because i am so clear about my damn emotion. but i have to admit that i left the exam early because i was desperately wanting to listen to symph no.1.

filling my life with study

2010-06-12T13:32:00.002+10:00

not like real study, but like absorbing all kinds of information, from almost everywhere. like if i dont do so i'll die because of boredom. wish i could use a little bit of my concentration in academic study, and in my social life. bleh

Something I saw..

2010-06-04T22:43:00.002+10:00

"Gustav Mahler's music is like architecture. However, the beauty in his art cannot yet fulfil the emptiness of emotion. Of course, the sense of loss was of great significance in his age, while complaining the same concepts over and over again easily bores the audience."

THATS ALL BULLSHIT.
THE MAN WHO WROTE THIS CAN GO TO HELL.

I'd say it's another aspect of immortality..

2010-06-03T23:21:00.005+10:00

Later on in life, the Tralfamadorians would advise Billy to concentrate on the happy moments of his life, and to ignore the unhappy ones-to stare only at pretty things as eternity failed to go by.

by Kurt Vonnegut Slaughterhouse 5

There is one thing that makes me really angry. In one of the Chinese-translated version of this book, the translator wrote this as a note: 'Readers cannot distinguish which parts in the book are real, and which are just imaginations of the character.'(I haven't had a chance to read it by my own eyes though.) (But considering the former quote by Bernard Russell, I would like to change the word 'angry' into 'disappointed'.) And the word of this translator makes me think it this way: he does not want this fiction to be a science-fiction, just to maintain its 'literariness'.

But the thought of time travelling is in fact a very good point. So is the 'imortality' of every single life in the universe. Because the concept of 'death' just simply doesn't exist. Only Earthlings 'die', not because they do, but because they think they do. But not the rest of the Universe! And Vonnegut's understanding of time (in this fiction) is similar to Ted Chiang (as is mentioned before).

Oh, and I saw people complaining about the 'simple sentences' in this book too, which I actually really enjoy. It has been a really good (and awful!) time reading Slaughterhouse 5.

2010-06-02T23:30:00.000+10:00

if someone maintains that 2 and 2 is five, or the Iceland is on the equator, you feel pity rather than anger, unless you know so little of arithmetic or geography that his opinion shakes your own contrary conviction.

by bernard russell

Similarity!

2010-05-25T10:50:00.003+10:00

Tralfamadorian in slaughterhouse five, and Heptapod B the written language of Heptapod in story of your life. These two are showing (to some extent) a similar idea! Also the idea of unstucking in time are similar. It's FUN! (Kind of an overlap of Kurt Vonnegut and Ted Chiang.)

a waste of time

2010-05-22T12:44:00.005+10:00

周一盼着晚上的工作快点结束。
周二一整天盼着这长长的一天能结束。
周三计划着周四五小时空闲干什么。
周四盼着五小时空闲快点结束。
周五盼着下午睡觉，晚上工作快点结束。
周六盼着晚上工作快点结束，就终于可以结束一个礼拜。
周日终于完全空闲，却已经盼着快点结束下一个周二了。

每个礼拜等着下礼拜一发工资。
每个月等着下个月一号发利息。

永远都在盼着能够快结束今天，结束这个礼拜，结束这个月，这个学期，这一年。
我的一生都是在等待着新的一天，在那新的一天我又等待着下一个新的一天。

离别

2010-05-10T20:49:00.003+10:00

when i was being with people i felt like forever.
but i like to think it that way too.

「一度枯れた花は　二度と咲かねーんだよ」

2010-05-06T22:30:00.002+10:00

by マダオ

the truth.

best love story ever

2010-05-03T16:53:00.000+10:00

「愛の言葉は難しいよ、お前にはきっと俺の気持ちは永遠に伝わらないだろう。隘路はお前だ、そして俺だ。この溝は永遠に埋まらない。だから橋を架け続ける。濁流に流されたらまた架け直す、壊れ物を抱えた人生か――それでもいいよ、俺はもういいんだ。お前はいずれ投げ出すだろうな。来週か二十年後か、もっと早いかもっと遅いか、疲弊しきって今度こそ本当に俺から去る時が来るだろう。何も残らなかっ人生を呆然と見しめるときが来るのかもしれない。それでもいいよ。俺はお前の背中を見送る、この恋の死を俺は看取る。そこまでの死出の道をひとつでも多くの花で飾ってあげよう。俺にできることはそれくらいしかないから。」

we enter the world alone and in blood and leave the same way

2010-05-02T00:21:00.006+10:00

what happens in between means little.

one of the days that may change my life everafter

2010-04-30T13:32:00.003+10:00

thanks Dr. C.M.S.
i think this time i will have to go on because its truly my own decision.

i did some bad choices and wasted my life, i thought i was right. i worked hard and tried to make it become just part of my life. i thought i didnt care doing stuffs i was not interested in.

银他妈再见

2010-03-29T23:00:00.004+11:00

我知道写“再见”这个词是超级不适合银他妈的。
说不定这个礼拜它又跑出来了。
但是我真的不知道为什么，还是偷偷跑上来这里，写这句——银他妈再见。
我真的不知道还会不会像爱银他妈一样爱上其他的东西了。

——————————————————————————

于是多年以后的结论是——会。

只是不知道有没有什么别的东西能够像银他妈一样这么深刻地影响我了……

但去莫复闻，白云无尽时

2010-03-10T00:06:00.005+11:00

我想回故乡去，回到我永远安身的地方，那时我就不会再到远方去流浪。

——I wander toward my homeland, my dwelling place. No more will I roam the far country.

每次看到/听到/想到这句话，都会湿了眼睛。

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep

2009-04-24T18:06:00.006+10:00

the film version of this famous book is Blade Runner, which is my favourite film ever.

but as is said, the book and the film is in fact quite different in many aspects other than the general background. i think the most obvious and significant difference is (not the plots but) the theme expressed.

i love the film though it is depressive, i love the book more because it is even more depressive. (and maybe i just love depressive stuffs which finally leads to my depression - -.) we will not forget the words roy baty said in the film:

all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain, time to die.

and when i checked the 1982 version, i found that rick deckard did have a comment on it:

he took all the time he had as though he loved life very much. every second of
it, even the pain. then he was dead.

i decide this is what the film wants to say, the love to life, to the life we have, or had. it must be heartbreaking to realise that you are a replicant and only have four year to live, and it must be even more heartbreaking that you have the emotion to feel the heartbreaking feelings. perhaps it is correct that replicants should not have emotion, they shouldn't be able to love. it is not cruel, because without emotion, cruelty means nothing.

and in the book, things are getting worse. the characters inside seem more cryptic, i cannot really think of the personality of every single character. and worse, they themselves cannot, either. the way of 'recognise that you're alive' is meaningless. even rick deckard cannot make sure that he is a human being but not a humanoid android. and the rachel is not the good girl in the film. she does something humanoid, she seems to have humanoid emotion, but everything is faked. every single thing in the book is faked, electric, and getting worse even. androids can only live for four years, because of the problem of cell replacement, not the evil purposes of human beings.

PDK really did a great job. he seems to focus more on the essence of an entity. do androids have soul? do they think and love as human? do they dream? and do they have the emotion of sympathy towards the living creatures? we never know. i cannot know whether they love life or not. maybe they do, maybe not. but one thing i am sure is that they do have their own 'free will' and, in other words, they have their 'souls'. but are these souls the same as the ones belong to human beings? are electric animals still animals?

isn't it much more depressive to doubt your existence than losing your life? i say yes. and this is the reason why i love this story so very much.

just at some particular times

2009-04-05T18:02:00.003+10:00

i thought of becoming someone
i thought of great achievements

自私

2009-03-29T16:44:00.005+11:00

就是这么幼稚的自私，你控制不了的。因为你天生如此。